| Back before the new year |
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| 01:55am 10/12/2007 |
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Well... It's a few weeks before a new year. I just got one of my computers up and running... but only barely. I have a decent job. One that I actually like. I hope that it stays that way for a while.... I work at a chicken concentration camp. I assume that is the technical term for it. A few good people are there. The job isnt very demanding at all. I spend most of my time just sitting around or restocking my supply room. the hours are long, but not I get most weekends off. I am in a great relationship. This week will be our aniversery. I hope that there will be many more that follow. All in all... Life is decent.
until next time....
P.s I should finally be getting a bike soon.... and with a bike come complete freedom... I yearn to be free...
"The biggest fish in the lake gets that way by never getting caught." |
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| long time no see |
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| 02:42pm 28/06/2007 |
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well... it's been a while since I have written in this blog. Not too much has happened. I am happy. I guess there isn't much more to say than that. My mac book pro's hard drive fried a few weeks ago... I don't think i am going to replace it. I've redone my old site.. I've added a few things, taken off material with broken links, and gave it a little face lift. All in all, I am happy right now
Nothing more to say |
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| Depressed |
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| 10:40pm 23/02/2007 |
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I have no idea why, but today... I want to die. I have the feeling that IF I wasn't here, life for everyone else would be easier. Im tired of doing nothing with my life. I don't want a life if it's not an accomplished... |
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| im waiting for my real life to begin |
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| 01:29am 11/01/2007 |
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Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down down down, on me
And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I’ll keep checking the horizon
And I'll check my machine, there's sure to be that call
It's gonna happen soon, soon, soon
It's just that times are lean
And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart, let the light shine in
Don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin |
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| just dont think ill ever get over you |
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| 01:24am 11/01/2007 |
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I drink good coffee every morning
It comes from a place thats far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
Don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
Is that if I lived till I was a hundred and two
I just dont think I'll ever get over you
I'm no longer moved to drink strong whiskey
I shook the hand of time and I knew
that if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just dont think I'll ever get over you
Your face it dances and it haunts me
your laughter is still ringing in my ears
I still find peices of your prescence here
even after all these years
I don't want you thinking that i dont get asked to dinner
cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
and even though I may soon feel the touch of love
I just dont think I'll ever get over you
if I live till I was a hundred and two
I just dont think I'll ever get over you |
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| Violence erupts at protests in Hungary |
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| 09:33am 09/01/2007 |
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Protesters clashed with police and stormed the headquarters of state television early Tuesday after setting fire to several cars — an increasing violent response to a leaked recording that caught Hungary's prime minister admitting officials had lied about the economy.
Rescue services said at least 10 people were injured, including some police, as security officers fired tear gas and water cannon at rock-throwing protesters, who have been demanding the government resign.
The violence came after a mainly peaceful protest outside parliament attended by several thousand people began late Sunday, when a recording made in May was leaked to local media on which Socialist Prime Minister Ferenc Gyurcsany admitted to repeatedly having lied to the country about the true state of the Hungarian economy to win April's elections.
Late Monday, Gyurcsany said that he had no plans to resign and the Socialist members of parliament voted unanimously in support of the prime minister. The government called for an emergency session of the National Security Cabinet for Tuesday morning.
By Monday night, the crowd demanding Gyurcsany's resignation outside parliament grew as it was joined by people getting off work and also coming to Budapest, the capital, from surrounding areas.
Late Monday, several hundred protesters broke away from the larger group outside parliament and marched over to the nearby headquarters of state television, wanting to be allowed to proclaim their demands on a live broadcast.
While most of the crowd watched from a safe distance, a few dozen protesters tried to break through police lines and into the TV headquarters, but police drove them back with water cannons and tear gas.
Police also tried to disperse the larger protest with water cannon fire but the truck was quickly disabled by the rioters, some of whom escorted the police officers operating the vehicle to safety. Several cars near the TV building were set on fire, their flames scorching the building.
The tape was made at a closed-door meeting in late May, weeks after Gyurcsany's government became the first in post-communist Hungary to win re-election.
It seemed to confirm the worst accusations leveled at him by the center-right opposition during the campaign — that Hungary's state budget was on the verge of collapse and that Gyurcsany and his ministers were concealing the truth to secure victory.
Adding spice to the scandal, Gyurcsany's comments were full of crude remarks and called into doubt the abilities of some of Hungary's most respected economic experts.
"We screwed up. Not a little, a lot," Gyurcsany was heard saying. "No European country has done something as boneheaded as we have."
The prime minister also told colleagues the government needed to end its duplicitous ways.
"I almost died when for a year and a half we had to pretend we were governing. Instead, we lied morning, evening and night. I don't want to do this anymore," he told his fellow Socialists.
The 45-year-old Gyurcsany, his party's golden boy since he was elected prime minister in late 2002, said the economy had been kept afloat only through "divine providence, the abundance of cash in the world economy and hundreds of tricks."
Confronted with initial excerpts of the 25-minute recording, which Hungarian state radio posted on its Web site Sunday, Gyurcsany not only acknowledged their authenticity but seemed relieved they had been made public — leading to speculation that the leak came from sources close to him.
"It deflates pent-up tensions regarding the reforms and ... can be used to support the government's position that they are urgent and inevitable," said political analyst Zoltan Kiszelly.
Others said the leak was an attempt — which may have misfired — by Gyurcsany's Socialist rivals to block his aspirations to become party chairman.
"In the long term, I think Gyurcsany's words will have a stabilizing, cathartic effect, both politically and economically," said political commentator Laszlo Seres. "At least to his own voters, Gyurcsany can argue that he shouldn't be punished for his sincerity — that he said these things to stop the lies."
Gyurcsany appeared on two live television shows Sunday night, trying to turn the focus of the debate away from his government and into a wider discussion about the failings of Hungary's political elite since the 1990 end of communism.
He also defended his foul language, saying it had been used in the context of a meeting of friends and colleagues and that he was proud of his "passionate speech."
"The real issue in Hungarian politics today is not who lied and when, but who is able to put an end to this ... who can face up to the lies and half-truths of the past 16 years," Gyurcsany wrote in a Sunday night entry of his blog, introducing a lengthy transcript of his May speech.
"The lies are the sins of the whole Hungarian political elite."
But on Monday the political mood was against Gyurcsany. Opposition parties demanded his resignation, while President Laszlo Solyom chastised the prime minister for "knowingly" jeopardizing people's faith in democracy and asked Gyurcsany to publicly recognize his error. |
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| 2 am |
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| 02:38am 07/12/2006 |
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mood:  grateful
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Sometimes it seems like it happened to someone else, like maybe it was a story I heard. Even though I know it happened, sometimes I can't help feeling that she's still out there...
My perfect woman. Some people say that there is no such thing as perfection. I disagree. I believe that there is the perfect girl out there for me. Someone that likes the same things I do, someone that inspires me to be a better person, and someone even dislikes the same thing i dislike. I wonder if i have met this perfect woman, and she did not feel the same connection i felt.. Or maybe she was repulsed by me. Maybe I havent found this perfect girl yet. I am up right now thinking about all of this, while watching "The Notebook", alone no less. This would usually throw me into yet another state of depression, but i have been so depressed lately that i have realized something. i dont want to be someone that relies on the company of another to be happy. I want to be relied on by another. I feel that it would feel better to be wanted than to be needed.
After one great night of great conversation, I fear that I will never see you again, or even worse, I will see you again, with someone else. I think that seeing you with someone else would kill me inside. Leaving nothing more than a shell to once again feel nothing, for anyone.. ever. All I ask is to know what to expect. I don't care if the news is good or bad, all I want is honesty. That would be enough to keep me alive inside.
All I can say is thank you for the memory of you... And I hope to have many more memories of you, but i doubt that i will
Sometimes it seems like it happened to someone else, like maybe it was a story I heard. Even though I know it happened, sometimes I can't help feeling that she's not really gone, that she's still out there, and I just hope she's okay. |
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| Use it or lose it |
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| 05:35pm 01/12/2006 |
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mood:  lonely
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In my attempt to fill my emptiness, I constantly clean, I try to sculpt, and I play video games. I regretabley admitt that this has done nothing except cover my lonelyness, and has not began to fill anyhting. I just wish i could figure out something to do that will fill the void. I work on my website alot, but that doesnt help. I know I just need someone that i can hold, but that is the problem. If I cant enjoy my own company, how can i expect anyone else to. Im so sick of seeing everyone around me happy, and I have to atleast act happy for them. I feel like I am stuck in a cycle where my lonleyness can not escape. I want to be that person that is happy to be alone, or atleast not completely miserable.
Even though I am extreamly lonely, When I talk to her, I forget about it, even if it is only for the duration of te conversation. For that brief moment, I feel happy, and when the moment is gone I am sitting back in my room... alone...
I am not afraid to die. I dont think I ever have been afraid of that. I am afraid, that when i do die, no one will care. To be forgotten is to have never existed. If I am to be forgotten, then I do not exist.......
I sit up late in the night.. I just sit and stare. I hear the cracking.... like when someone is walking on glass. No matter where i walk in my house, I still hear it. I even hear it if i walk outside. I used to think i was imagining it, but i know better now. ...
I know what the sound is.... It is the same idea of a car... what happens is it is parked in your back yard for numerous years.... nothing is wrong with it.. u just dont use it... One day u go to drive it, and the car doesnt start...
Is that what is to become of my heart??? |
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| Another dream |
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| 08:33pm 30/10/2006 |
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mood:  okay
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Ok, so I fell asleep last night. And i fell into the wierdest dream i have ever had. The specifics are not really there, but the idea of it is. I remember my two neices, and for some reason there was like 100 images of jesus. I also remember be having to protect them form someone, but i dont know who. I also remember me being caught, and branded, like a cow.. I remember the pain from the hot brander, and it was so hot, the pain woke me up. I was extreamly dehydrated so i get out of my bed and go get some apple juice... I look at my right arm, and there is a burn mark there. The wierd thing about it is, the burn did not blister like a regular burn, it created an indention in my skin... And people say dreams dont come true...... |
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| New show on the site |
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| 06:53pm 30/10/2006 |
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Well I grew tired of the "Are you afraid of the Dark" episode on my website, so I changed it to my new favorite show.. SCRUBS!!!!! the episode is a great one, one of the best in my opinion. So.... go watch it... In case u dont know the site, it is www.freewebs.com/markkrm1 |
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| Im sorry |
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| 12:41am 30/10/2006 |
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mood: depressed
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I keep having this same dream over and over. I am dreaming that i am killing someone. There is a burlap bag over the persons head. I am bringing them on the top of an old roof. The roof is covered in gravel. I kick the back of this person's leg, and it falls to it's knees. I pull out my knife and start cutting them. Deep enough to do damage, but not to kill. The person starts laughing, and i realize the person is a guy. My curiosity gets to me, so I take off the bag. I look into my own eyes. The roof falls through and i suddenly have a rope around my neck. I hang there only thinking how long it will take. The rope finally breaks and i fall though the floor, again. I fall into an 1950's-ish tub. My wrists are slit. I see a note on the ground that only says "Im sorry". Then i wake up. |
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| 10:52am 23/10/2006 |
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I think that yesterday was one of the best nights I have had in a while. I got to go over Stevie's house, met a few nice people, watched a movie, and even got to play a game or two. We played a game called "Sequence" and it ended in a tie, we are suppoesed to have a tie breaker soon. I told her I was letting her win, but ofcourse i didnt. She is so great on so many things. Hopefully we will play chess, and she will beat me, cause we all know i cannot play. |
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| Letter from God |
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| 07:13pm 21/10/2006 |
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mood:  pissed off
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Within the next week, I will take several steps in order to Finaly get my own apartment. Im tired of having to put up with spoiled little brats, tired of gritting my teeth while putting on a fake smile, but most of all tired of thinking I have a friend when all I truely have is someone constantly insulting me. A civilized person would go to someone and talk to them about a problem, instead of waiting untilthey are sick and trying to piss them off. I mean how immature can one person be? Oh ya, I sick too. Just thought I would add my little side note. I have tried to get better, but i think i just need a little love. Sometimes i think that i should just drop out of college, and get a job doing something i am good at... but then i realize that there is nothing that i am good at, so I guess college is the only way for me to go. I dont think i can do this for too much longer, the stress is becoming overwelming and i am in constant physical pain, not to mention the mental exaustion that i suffer from take retarded classes that make me sit in class and stare at information i have learned at age 4. I think God has sent me a letter.... the letter says " dear child,
Fuck you, and have a nice day!!
God" |
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| Bush is the devil?? |
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| 05:27am 18/10/2006 |
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mood: blah
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On March 11, 2005, President Bush Signed the "Real ID Act". This act will require all Americans to obtain a National ID Card by 2008. Without a National ID Card you will not be able to hold a job, drive a car, have a bank account, or even buy anything. This card will be equipped with a Radio Frequency Identification (RFID) Chip. The RFID Chip will allow the government (or anyone with the proper technology) to track your every move. The problem is you can ditch the card and become untrackable. Enter the subdermal chip from Verichip Corp. (pictured). This little guy will be injected just under the skin on your hand, exactly as the Bible predicted. Even if you don't believe in the Bible or the coming Apocalypse, this will be the first example of such blatant disregard for the authority of the Constitution, not to mention an unbelievable invasion of privacy. If you are a Christian or an American, you owe it to God and your country to fight this atrocity. For more info and to sign a petition, go to www.nonationalid.com...... That was posted on a certain "religious-based website" And I wanted to know if anyone else thought that this was too wierd. I do believe that this is an invasion of privacy. I do believe that this seems to be a sign of the apocalypse. In the bible, it says that the child of satan would bring upon the mark of the beast on the world... This text says that Bush is the one bringing it on... So does this mean that bush is the Anti-christ?? I mean plenty of comedians have said this in the past few years, but what if they were right? |
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| Good night |
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| 03:25pm 17/10/2006 |
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mood: grateful
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Yesterday was an alright day. Nothing very special happened. I came back to my apartment in sanford. I got ready for the long, lonely day and night ahead of me. I did a little bit of school work and them played a little bit of Zelda (the snes version). I was getting ready for a long night, alone as I usually do on mondays, and i get a message on my computer. A very good friend of mine wanted to see me, so she came over. We laughed, and watched a movie. She didnt get to stay very long, maybe an hour or so, but it was great to see a friend, when I was not expecting it.. So a basically ok day turned into a great night. |
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| "Dammit" |
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| 01:50am 15/10/2006 |
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mood: blah
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Today was a bad day, to say the least.. Have you ever woke up one morning and thought "Dammit"? That is about how my whole day went. Nothing went right, and on top of that, I did nothing of any importance. I get a letter in the mail saying I dont have sufficient funds this month to pay my bills, including my tuition. I did, however find my knives, so I guess it was a fair trade. I guess this is fate trying to give me a message. I keep getting random phone calls from a number I do not recognize. I can't help but wonder what sick fuck would try to stress me out anymore than I already am. Sometimes I wish I could just go away. I have decided that I will move to mass. Im tired of southern life. My "southern Charm" as some put it, gets my nowhere. I want to move there for no other reason then the leaves. I want to live on a street where the leaves cover the street on an October day. I love the feeling of October. Its cold enough to hold your special someone outside. To hold them while we drink hot tea. I can picture it now. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I dont know if it will or not. I miss her. I hate to admit it but I really do. I feel as if I havent seen her in forever. Her Cameo in my dreams are great... Then I wake up and think "Dammit"... |
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| im up again |
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| 05:20am 12/10/2006 |
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mood: depressed
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For some reason, I cannot sleep as I am supposed to. I feel terrible with each and every breathe I take. I feel as if somthing is missing in my life, but what? Can it be that I miss my family? When I finally do sleep, I have terrible dreams of unspeakable things. I am suprised I can keep the images in my head. They feel as if they are banging on the inside of my head, waiting to break through, or to find the smallest hole to sneak out of. I wonder, when they do, will I be left alone, or will my nitemares attack me while I am awake also? I am constantly waiting for somthing to happen, but I do not know what. I spend my week waiting for the weekend, so I can go home, or go to a place that feels like home. I have these images in my head, but only when I am not at home... but isnt this place my home now? I pay bills, eat, sleep, and wash here. so why do I feel like I am improsioned here? December comes too soon and I dont know what to expect. Should I expect an old face to appear, or should a expect new faces hid behind smiles? I have taken the road less traveled, but I think I have ran into a dead end. I am at the end of a cliff, and I am wondering if I should jump.. Will i fly? Do I have a happy thought to hold onto? I can think of one, but it is followed by a series of sadness. I hold my blanket at night, or atleast the peice I have left. Itreminds me of a depressed tree, and I cant remember much about the tree. Was there a time in the past year when I was actually happy? My hair continues to grow, but I dont see why i shouldnt why I shouldn't just cut it off. I dont know what to do. The only thing I am certian of anymore is the fact that...... I dont even remember anymore. Maybe my hike tomarrow will do me some good... A new friend, Real smiles, and good conversation..... |
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| Are you afraid of the dark???? |
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| 04:07am 06/10/2006 |
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mood: happy
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Do you remember the greatest nick show ever? I have decided, after numerous requests, to post an episode on my site... I will post a new one every so often... there wont be any set time on it... Just whenever i feel like changing them.. They will be posted via youtube... so they will be cut into sections... Hope you enjoy!!!!
P.S. If you dont know my site, it www.freewebs.com/markkrm1 .... the episodes will be in the Misc link... BE SURE TO SIGN MY GUESTBOOK!!!! |
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| long time no see... |
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| 01:15pm 05/10/2006 |
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Hello everyone. I know i havent been on here in a while, but that is about to change. I am going to start posting the updates to my website Http://www.freewebs.com/markkrm1 I hope you will enjoy my site, and would love to hear any ideas you would have to make it better...
Thanks
-Mark |
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